It's been a while since I've written anything, Not that's a big problem or anything I'm very sure none of the people I originally wrote this blog for are actually still reading this, so I'm just gonna use this as a place for my random thoughts.
As it often is with this blog, there's always something about my work going on. My CV is now ready thanks to my good friend who checked and corrected it for me. So apart from a few small projects that can't take me more then 10 days, yet I'm very hesitant in actually start looking, guess once again I had settled too comfortably into this freelancing role and enjoy the time I have under my control. I know I don't enjoy working from home all day every day, yet it's what I know... the unknown is always the most frightening thing. But I promise myself on 1st August at the latest I will be sending my CVs out and hopefully will get some interviews soon.
Now that's the work situation out of the way, the topic of friends / comrades has been on my mind on a regular basis, It scares my how fake some people can be. Life without friends would certainly be much easier, unfortunately, No man can be an island, I need my friends, i need them because that's who I am, I need them because they help me define who I am, I need to to share the good times and certainly the difficult times with. since being in HK, i've only built superfical friendships, i don't really feel like there's anyone I really know that well to spill my deepest fear to, yet there's more and more distance between the old friends.... it is sad but I did expect this when I moved back here.
Why do I do Parkour? why do I do martial arts and gymnastics? I think i just want to be cooler.... I also want to know I can rely on my body to support what I want to archive in life and to protect those I love... I know long long time ago I will never be anywhere near the top guys, regardless of what I've been told I know I won't be good enough to be on TV or perform live to make any sort of living from it, so why am I training so hard? Could the answer be that, it's easy to improve? with all my sports it s a fairly easy route, i spend time doing it and I will get better, it might be very very slow progress but I'm sure to get better with time... that would explain why I actually like conditioning over big techniques. At least the chance of injury is much lower then. I don't mind pain as much, but i hate the idea of an injury... unfortunately I don't always think of being a designer is as easy... progress seem to be much harder. How proud am i of my work? it's ok... i don't rate my own work that high, certainly not as high as I hope.... Maybe that's why i've fallen out of love with books lately, I'm too busy trying to educate myself and fill my head with 'useful' knowledge I no longer read for pleasure... to watch myself feel so differently hurts me
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Hey man, in every movie, you always see the main character go through some seriously painful discipline and training before anything great comes out of it :)
ReplyDeleteI work really hard at whatever I do and people only notice the ones that work out without realizing there are tonnes of things I've given my all that have blown up in my face... the main thing is, you got to know that you tried and life isn't about succeeding, it's about experiencing, it's about stories you can read about 10 years down the line and feel proud of what you did 10 years ago. Had I never picked up a drum stick around 4 years ago, I'd still be dreaming about drumming and probably take that thought to my grave, but thanks to me not giving into the idea that I was too old to start, today I happily drum to songs I used to only know how to tap my foot to :)
Heck, never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined being an announcer for a mixed martial arts event and here I am having done two! While I was learning cantonese as a kid, I never thought it'd take me to where it has today, but I only believed that it was worth learning.. :)
Cheers Vivek, means alot hearing that from you.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm just struggling with a few things at the moment. The problem is at this point its easy to forget why I'm doing all of this. However, I am far too stubborn to give up what I love and definitely not intelligent enough to not take silly risks. So onward I shall march.
Once again, thank you! you are doing some great stuff mate, don't let anything stop you